18. How Does Denis Do It?

© Robbie O’Connell 1985 Slievenamon Music (BMI)

Satire has long been a weapon of the downtrodden. Mockery has been part of political discourse from the medieval court jester to the late night television talk show host. The acceptance of free speech, even as ridicule, is one of the hallmarks of a healthy democracy.

Ireland has a long tradition of satire both in Irish and in English. From early Gaelic manuscripts to the newspaper columns of Flann O’Brien and Paul Howard, Irish writers have never shied away from the verbal barb. Irish-born literary luminaries, such as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw, could wield language as deftly as any fencing master wields a foil.

One of literature’s greatest satires was published in Dublin in 1729 by Jonathan Swift. Its full title was “A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People from Being a Burthen to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick.” Masquerading as an essay on economics, it proposes that the best solution for poverty in Ireland was to fatten and butcher the children of the poor and sell them to wealthy English landlords as gourmet food. Deliberately outrageous, it elicited the desired response of shocking the public and drawing attention to the dire poverty of Irish Catholics.

In the 1980s, Margaret Thatcher’s inhuman response to the hunger strikers in Northern Ireland and her heartless treatment of striking British miners earned her the opprobrium of the working classes in both countries. It was an offhanded remark by singer/song-collector, Frank Harte that inspired me to write this song. The idea was to use ridicule, in the absence of any other weapon, to pillory Margaret Thatcher. I thought the British Music Hall style was appropriate to the subject. A few people were offended by it but I make no apologies. From my point of view, the song is not nearly as offensive as the vicious policies of the Iron Lady herself. Besides, it was a damned good question.

How Does Denis Do It?

© Robbie O’Connell 1985 Slievenamon Music (BMI)

Lyrics:

Now the world is full of wonders going back through history.
But there’s one thing above all else that’s a mystery to me.
When Margaret goes to bed at night and removers her armored plate, 
And demands that her poor husband do a service for the state...

Oh how does Denis do it, does she tie him to the bed?
Or does she try to fool him with a bag upon her head?
Or maybe she arouses him with leather whips and chains,
Or invites some kinky friends around to have some fun and games.
Perhaps these lurid details should be left to history,
That he can do the job at all is what bewilders me. 

When Cleopatra ruled the Nile, her charms were known worldwide.
And no man in his right mind would have shunned her as a bride.
But when it comes to Margaret, there could be no buts or ifs,
The men would run stampeding just like lemmings off of cliffs!

Now if Margaret got frustrated, she could take a sudden fit
And push the deadly button that would blow us all to bits.
But Denis never lets us down, he keeps her satisfied
You could very nearly say that we all owe that man our lives